"I bought a cactus. A week later it died, and I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I'm less nurturing than a desert." -Demetri Martin, New York Magazine

ahh. It's summer.

What am I going to do with myself?! I have several options here: I could stay here in Newton and find a job as a waitress, I could move to Salvo and hang out with J all summer and find a job there, or I could dive in head first and find an "grown-up job" in DC. Eh. I don't want to grow-up yet, that isn't any fun. One thing I know is that staying in Newton for the summer sounds like a drag, although living rent free is a pretty rad perk. Why won't someone just flash a large sign with directions to where I'm meant to go written on it!!
Being back in America rocks my socks off. I wanted to kiss the ground when I got off that plane. Don't get me wrong, I loved England and I defiantly am going back but Andy Rooney said it best last night on 60 Minutes, "Where you get to is almost never as good as where you came from". I lived and I learned and now I'm ready for a new adventure. My dad said to make this next adventure more discreet and closer to home, so I will try.

I ran...

fast, as far as I could go.
Without caution, without warrant, without thinking.
Directions where not needed, a compass did no good
Back to where I began...

This is the story...

of three women.
Three women, who started off as children on their journey together. Thinking they knew life, the wind of its ways and the fortune to come. Naive of the surrounding turmoil to come. People passed in and out, quite frequently. But those three, they always remained.
Holidays and quiet spells, came and went, and those three remained there.
Relationships and love came and went, and those three remained together.
Quarrels and crisis, problems and victories arose and fell, but those three women stood strong.
Then as winter grew into spring, one traveled away, left the others behind and made her own way. Then as spring grew into summer the other two split as well. One on her way to where the arch stands tall, the other to where the ocean meets the sand. All leaving behind the love, the quarrels, the holidays, the problems of one small town and three big relationships. All needing something different, something unknown. They no longer feared the unknown, they understood it and welcomed it's dark. An adventure, you could say but a beginning to them.
The end is left open. None of them can see the future, and are not naive enough to pretend they know what it holds. They have learned from their past and grown for their present.
The only thing that all three hope is now, here and forever they can always be bonded together.
Friendship is a funny thing to waste.

Friday's words of wisdom... not from me, of course.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Nelson Mandela

In a world where light catches the dark...

there is a loss of insanity when you lose your way
sane is over thinking, over correcting over analyzing over doing EVERYTHING
insanity is where the truth lives
bits become jumbled and paths become twisted
things lose their shape, their meaning
flowers fade, trees blossom
but you, no you are still grey, faded almost
through a pinhole in the air a light comes
darkened by volumes of hate
pinhole becomes keyhole becomes becomes becomes
light, bright and full and warm
develops, envelopes, creates
one day you can hope for bright.

Where have I been?!?

I ask myself that a lot...

I have been in England for a little over a month now. Things have changed at home, while things have changed here. I won't bore you with the "i miss everyone speech" but it's there. So I guess you could call this period the deconstruction/reconstruction period of my "trip". It's time for a change, with me, with friends, with people who are no longer needed at this point. And then I will welcome in the new.
So.. follow along if you like, it may be interesting, or it may be just a lot of me asking, where the hell have I been.

London Tomorrow!

I have been busy the past couple of days. Saturday, I went into town for a couple of hours and did some shopping, not really exciting. On Sunday the whole family went to a nature park and did a small hiking trail. After the trail we ventured to Beachy Head which is a famous spot for it's beauty and it's horror. People from all over England drive out to this cliff to commit suicide. It's one of the most beautiful spots in Eastbourne, yet it's story is disturbing. On a sunny day you can even see France from the cliff, but every day there are memorials to those who have ended their life at that very spot. It was like a car crash, you know it's horrifying to look at but you can't turn away because you're in awe.
At the bottom of the cliffs was a newly reopened English pub, we stopped and had a pint. I had a pint of Newcastle (my favorite beer) and it was soo good. I might have been imagining it, but I could have sworn it tasted better here than it did in the US.
Monday was back to work and I watched the kids, but that isn't really work. They have been angels because they want to earn their trip to London, which happens to be tomorrow. I'm very excited and I will probably wake up at 6am ready to go!
It's odd to believe that I'm really here. Everything feels the same as if I was in America but it defiantly doesn't look the same. Everything here has so much more "energy". You can feel the history behind the walls of the buildings and the grounds. It's quite spectacular.
I hear dinner being called so I better grab my spot. I will update after London.

Irish Raptor..I think.

I found my new passion today, Horse Racing. Today in London was the Grand National Steeplechase. I had never heard of it before but when Ian (the dad) starting telling me about it I knew I wanted to watch. It is a 4 mile horse race where the horses have to jump 30 fences made of spruce pine branches that are about 5 ft. tall. You really can't grasp the severity of the jumps until you see a horse stand next to it and realize that it's amazingly difficult for a horse with a jockey on it's back can jump that high. Anyways, I bet my first horse race today and I bet on 2 horses, both were from Ireland and one was Irish Raptor and the other, Offshore Account. I liked the names. Unfortunatly I lost, but both of my horses were leading at one point during the race so I wasn't too far off for my first bet. Forty horses started out and only 17 finished the race, one also died of exhaustion. It is a really difficult race and most trainers train their horses years for this day. Like I said, I found my passion.
Other than horse racing today, I went into town again. I bought a couple of books, one for Megan (the girl, 11) I got her the first Twilight book so I hope she likes it. She has taken up with me well. She loves dance and theater and books so we are kind of a match.
I also played football/soccer with the boys today. I only scored one goal though. For 6 year olds they pretty much kick my butt. But they are a lot of fun and they come up with the cleverest things to say. Twin boys are a lot of fun but they are defanitly double the trouble.
I am really surprised how this family has taken me in. We eat dinner and watch tv at night together and I feel as if I have been here for a long time. I joke with them and can be silly with them and they just laigh along with me. I am starting to feel right at home.
Tomorrow is my day off and I am not sure what I am going to do yet. I would like to ride the train somewhere but I want to save my money because on Weds. we are heading to London.
There are so many things in this country I want to see, I just want to make sure I have time for it all. Well, it's 10pm here so I think I'm going to watch some American tv on the internet and then hit the hay.
Night all.

Eastbourne!

settling in..

I'm just starting to settle into my new home. The family is very nice and they have taken me in as if I was one of their own. When I got here Saturday I slept all day and then I slept most of the day Sunday. I had never experienced jet lag before and it's quite bad, it almost feels as if you are drunk.
Monday was my first day with the children alone. Needless to say it was a testing day. I was still disoriented and the children wanted to test me to see what they could get away with. I will admit, I cried.. a couple of times.Tuesday was much better. We ventured to the park and to the "sweetie" shop and had ice cream.
The neighborhood that I live in is called Eastbourne and it's traditional. All of the houses are huge and old and they are mostly inhabited by older people. However when I was out today I saw a lot more young people and families with children.
I had today off so I went into town and did some sightseeing. I went out to the Eastbourne Peir which is a victorian peir and has been around since 1870. The view was breathtaking, and you got a view of the city around you and of the rolling downs, which give Eastbourne is fantastic weather. It has been sunny here since I arrived and it supposedly it stays like this most of the spring and summer except for the occasional rain.

At it again.

I'm at it again.
I'm moving to England in a week. Everyone is asking how I feel. Well, I'm scared, anxious, excited, worried, overjoyed, and the list could go on and on. Never before have I left the country and this will be the first time that my passport will be stamped and I have a whole vocabulary list of words to explain my feelings.
Oh and I bought a webcam! and then downloaded skype so I am set to talk to anyone anytime I want.
So here is to something new.